A Beginner’s Guide to Oral Sex


You are shortchanging yourself if you think sex is only about penetration. There are other forms of sex that give equal if not more pleasure. Oral sex, for instance, is not only a form of foreplay, it can also be the main event.

It involves stimulating your partner’s genitals with your mouth. It can be performed using your tongue, lips, and/or throat.

There are three types of oral sex:

i. Cunnilingus: It is an oral sex act performed on the vulva or vagina. During cunnilingus, the giving partner typically focuses on stimulating their partner’s clitoris, the most sensitive erogenous zone of a woman’s vulva.

2. Fellatio: Fellatio, also called blow job, is an oral sex act that involves stimulating your partner’s penis with your mouth. Despite its name, a blow job doesn’t involve blowing on the penis. Rather, you perform a blow job by licking and sucking the penis.

iii. Analingus: Also called a rim job or rimming, is the act of orally stimulating a partner’s anus. Licking, kissing and sucking can stimulate the sensitive nerve endings in and around the anus and rectum. With careful safe sex practices and clear communication, rimming can be a pleasurable sexual activity for persons of all genders and sexual orientations.

It is important to note that Sexually Transmitted Infections can be contracted through oral sex, but the risk is much lower than vaginal and anal sex. The risk of STI transmission is typically higher for those giving oral sex than those receiving it.

To decrease the risk while giving oral sex, avoid brushing your teeth or using dental floss right beforehand since bleeding gums will increase exposure to any viruses. Also, always practice safe sex by taking precautions and using barrier methods.

Tips for performing cunnilingus
Direct clitoral stimulation is the key to increasing pleasure that leads to climax when performing cunnilingus. Start slowly, and keep these considerations in mind.

1. No two vulvas are the same: Be mindful that all vulvas (the external female genitalia, including the clitoris, labia, and vaginal opening, are different. This means the smell, look or taste of your partner’s vulva may not be what you expect, and that’s completely normal.

2. This is key: Focus on the clitoris. Direct and consistent clitoral stimulation is the key to making your partner orgasm. To locate the clitoris, look for where the two inner labia (the vaginal lips) connect at the top and form a small hood. Use your fingers to spread the labia apart. Underneath the hood is the clitoris, which looks like a tiny nub, typically slightly larger than a pea in size.

3. Start slow: A general rule for all sexual activities is to start slow and gradually increase the pace so that your partner has time to build up their level of arousal. Begin with slow, sensual licking. Before you target the clitoris, tease your partner and build suspense by lightly circling your tongue around the entire vulva area.

4. Encourage communication: Let your partner know that you’re open to feedback and be sure to ask questions mid-performance. Asking your partner about the pressure and speed is a great way to zero in on their pleasure.

5. When your partner is approaching orgasm, keep doing what you’re doing: If your partner signals that they’re close to climaxing, either verbally or through body language, don’t switch up your technique. Keep targeting the same spot until your partner orgasms or instructs you otherwise. It may be okay to increase your tongue pressure or speed as your partner is approaching orgasm, but you should typically continue focusing on the same location.

Blow job tips.
1. Use your lips to shield your teeth: If your teeth touches your partner’s penis, the sensation for them will likely be unpleasant. Wrap your lips over your teeth as a cushion as you go down on your partner.

2. Use your hands: For the best blow job, mix in some hand job work. Place your dominant hand around your partner’s shaft, then simultaneously move your hand and mouth up and down the penis. To enhance this motion, twist your wrist back and forth as you move up and down. Make sure to use lube to prevent painful friction. Once you have the motion down, use your other hand to gently massage your partner’s testicles.

3. Have an ejaculation plan: If you intend to bring your partner to orgasm, plan so you’re both prepared for ejaculation. If you prefer that your partner doesn’t ejaculate in your mouth, let them know beforehand. That way, your partner can give you a verbal warning right before they orgasm, and you can switch to hand job only mode as they climax. If you are okay with your partner climaxing in your mouth, decide whether you would rather spit or swallow. If you do choose to swallow, know that semen is perfectly safe to ingest.

4. Show enthusiasm: To give a good blow job, let your partner know that you want to give them head. Try showing your enthusiasm through a little dirty talk. As you go down on your partner, look up from time to time to make eye contact and indicate that you’re enjoying yourself. If you’re not into giving blow jobs, be honest about that with your partner, and never feel pressured to do something you dislike. Only engage in sexual acts that you’re comfortable with. If that doesn’t include blow jobs, try exploring alternate ways to please your partner.

5. Use your tongue to stimulate the penis head: During most of the blow job, you’ll want to apply soft pressure with your tongue against the penis as you move your mouth up and down the shaft. For a pleasurable change of pace, try focusing your tongue attention on the head of the penis and the frenulum, the sensitive band of skin on the underside of the penis head. Grip the lower shaft with your hand, and use the tip of your tongue to lightly lick the top of the penis head in a slow circular motion.

6. Stimulate your partner’s other erogenous zones: The key to a great blow job is to make it a full-body experience. While your mouth pleasures the penis, simultaneously stimulate other erogenous zones on your partner’s body. Try massaging their balls, licking their inner thighs, stroking their perineum, or engaging in some anal play.

Tips for Analingus
If you and your partner decide to explore rimming as a type of anal stimulation, follow this step-by-step guide to safely engage in analingus.

1. Talk to your partner first: You need consent before trying any form of sexual activity with a partner, including analingus. Remember that performing or receiving a rim job does not mean that other forms of anal sex are on the table.

2. Clean up first: The key to safe rimming is maintaining good hygiene practices. Use the bathroom for at least an hour before engaging in anal play. Before receiving a rim job, take a shower with your partner and wash your anus with warm water and mild soap. If you are still worried about cleanliness, consider using an anal douche or enema. Be careful, though. Overusing douches or enemas can result in the disruption of healthy gut bacteria. If you are experiencing gas, constipation or diarrhoea, avoid receiving a rim job until your digestive system is back to normal.

3. Go slow: When giving a rim job, take your time with various foreplay techniques, allowing your partner to become fully aroused. Light some candles, put on sexy music, and undress slowly. When you’re turned on, your muscles relax, making it easier to enjoy anal stimulation. Try a long make-out session, then slowly kiss your way down your partner’s body.

4. Find the right position: There are several positions you and your partner can try for pleasurable analingus. If you are the receiving partner, consider lying on your back with your hips propped up under a pillow and your partner on their knees in front of you. You can also stand with your partner kneeling behind you. Another good rimming position to try is doggy style.

5. Experiment with different techniques: When performing a rim job, explore different ways to stimulate your partner’s anus. Kiss your partner’s perineum, the area between their genitals and anus. Consider using your warm breath to tease your partner. Then, relax your tongue and start with long, slow licks. Try moving your tongue in a circular motion around your partner’s anus. Be sure to communicate clearly with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t. Remember that if you or your partner become uncomfortable at any time, you can stop.

6. Use your hands: While it is possible to experience an anal orgasm in response to anal stimulation alone, stimulating other erogenous zones on your partner’s body can create an even more powerful sensation. During analingus, consider squeezing your partner’s nipples, rubbing their clit, fingering their vagina, or stroking their penis. With the right stimulation, a rim job can add a whole new pleasurable element to you and your partner’s orgasms.

7. Consider sex toys: The use of vibrators or BDSM gear like handcuffs can enhance your rim job. Consider purchasing sex furniture like swings or wedge pillows to assist with difficult positions. If you are interested in solo anal play, some anal sex toys are specifically designed to stimulate the nerve endings around your anus by imitating the sensation of analingus.

Keep in mind, that when it comes to oral sex, personal hygiene should be a top priority, as with other forms of sex.

Let the fun begin!

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